See, it came with the OS installed on one 500gb drive, and a second, 500gb drive with nothing useful on it.
I wanted to Raid1 the drives. But that means reinstalling the OS. Turns out it has a recovery partition that's perfect for this. Boot into that. Raid the drives.
Oops, it deleted the recovery partition. Now it can't install the OS. No problem! There's Internet Recovery!
This error doesn't exist anywhere on apple.com, except one post that asking what it means that got no useful answers.
Over and over, on both networks, -5010F. grrr..
Fine, there's a tool to make a usb recovery disk. Did that. "will contact apple to make sure", ok.. "Can't find this machine. Contact applecare.". Fuck you.
I'll take it yo the apple store, toss it on the desk, and say "just reinstall it.". *sigh*