HM said to call a local company.
That local company said to call this guy.
I left him a message earlier in the week and hadn't heard back.
Turns out he's had bronchitis. He just called me back, he's gonna get the parts together and drop by to fix it. Yay! He's apparently been here (amazon's hq) several times before, heh.
Now I just need to find the emails that prove I ordered it, so he can get paid by the warranty people. It doesn't have the little label it's supposed to have with the FO and whatnot. But the email order confirmations should, I hope, be enough.