Instead, I am a god of irony.
The gutter downspout outside the kitchen door has been clogged up for months and leaks, loudly, onto the deck. During today's monsoon, I went out to clear it. I got very damp, and VERY cold, and I succeeded in removing about half a cubic foot of newly-minted soil, mostly decomposing pine needles. I got everything back in place *JUST* as the rain stopped.
The lesson you are supposed to learn from this:
We are never the gods we want to be.