Remember how I was trying to find Lori?
Turns out I've had her on my MSN buddy list this entire time. And she just happened to log in while I'm running the actual MSN client (rather than Proteus or Trillian or something else), so I got the little popup saying 'Lori has connected' or whatever. SO, I now have a valid email address. Two, in fact.
So, all is well. You can go back to your lives, knowing that the universe is once again being nice to me.