Long story short, the seller of the house has been dicking us around, trying to cover his own risks without considering the nine people his last-minute reversals are affecting. So he's burned all of our good will in the past 48 hours, But, as of 14:39 today, we finally have a signed sale contract.
Inspection should be happening monday. We move our stuff into the new house tomorrow, while we ourselves are moving into a hotel until next thursday (don't ask, unless you like yelling)
Meanwhile, pressure washing the deck and house took twice as long as it should have, and so did painting the deck, which we had to do /now/ instead of this weekend, because the forecast changed to rain on painting day. So instead of spending today packing everything, we now have a nice painted deck.
Between this moment and 830am, we have to finish packing every loose thing in the house, and now we have to do it into categories of "goes to the house" and "goes to the hotel".
[looks around] We are so very boned. I honestly don't know how we're going to do this.